Easter Eggs 2014 — 50 Year Plan

I follow this talented actor/comedian Barak Hardley on Vine, and it’s just the worst that he’s also great at drawing. Each year he makes wish-you-could-keep-them-level Easter Eggs.



Post-Heartbleed online security tips (by Nick Douglas for Slacktory)

Where I continue my series of standing in front of my bookcase pretending to be someone else so I can make one-liners.

Always calibrating the deadpan vs. the “actually tell people what they’ll get if they click”


Despite the stereotype, YouTube comments actually aren’t commonly this shitty, especially on videos that are, like the above, pretty innocuous.

But this video has been declared the new “Friday,” and famously bad amateur music videos are like the "most photographed barn in America" in Don DeLillo’s White Noise (or like the Mona Lisa or Statue of Liberty or a bridge full of padlocks): It’s not famous for what it is, it’s famous for the prescribed reaction. People gather to write horrible things to a stranger, not because the stranger’s video is actually any worse than the average shitty video, but because it has been established as the “safe place” for everyone to express hate. Except it’s not safe at all; this is an illusion created by mob action.

DeLillo worried thatan object famous for being photographed would sort of “lose its soul;” it would be impossible to see the barn as a barn and not an object to photograph. I think that’s happened to viral “hatewatch” videos too: Viewers don’t see them as actual things made by people, but as something split from reality, its creators fictional characters that viewers can wish death upon as they would on King Joffrey. And the bar for hatewatching has gotten quite low.

This is bad.

This is why we need more of what Ellen DeGeneres and Jimmy Fallon do: raise up and celebrate those who express themselves, without expecting them to brush off all hate as part of the game. To set the crowd’s default reaction to “good on you for doing something.” It’s not an “everybody gets a trophy” attitude, it’s a defense of decency that is horribly necessary.



are there places around new york worth getting out to? Do y’all have camping somewhere? Can I go to Boston or Maine or somewhere really green? Anyone in New York wanna run away from New York during my Run Away From LA trip

It’s two hours by train to beautiful Beacon, NY, a little town of upstaters and gentrifiers. Rach and I spent a weekend there. There’s an art museum (Dia:Beacon) mostly filled with ridiculous ughs, but there’re some giant sculptures worth walking around and through.


I like to keep track of how much the marquee at my local theater resembles a made-up on in a movie. Currently 6 of 10. (at City Cinemas Village East)


Suggestions welcome. Hits only.


Followup to my podcast question

aedison, whitachi, gregrutter: Thank you! Queueing The Truth and Thrilling Adventure Hour. Have a favorite episode for me to try first?

capnmariam: I tried Roderick but I found myself cringing a bit too much—I missed the balancing effect of Scott and Adam.

skywriter98: The podcasts are all free to subscribe, and the radio shows (CB and BE) I bought on iTunes. I’m fine spending money on a good show.

I only just realized I could listen to QI without losing much. It rarely grips me enough to sit and watch, but it mostly works as radio.


What’s a good fiction-narrative podcast or radio show?

I’m all caught up on the ever-improving Welcome to Night Vale. I’ve listened to Cabin Pressure twice. I liked but didn’t love Bleak Expectations (too wacky by the end of series 2).

My favorite current TV shows are Archer, The Thick of It, Girls, Fresh Meat, Peep Show, and Community. My favorite playwrights are Tom Stoppard and David Ives, plus just the David Mamet ones where men are shouting at each other.

While I’m mostly sick of unscripted podcasts, my favorites are Improv4Humans, Comedy Bang Bang, and You Look Nice Today.

Can you recommend me a narrative radio show/podcast, given those tastes?


"And then I got off the bus": A great tear-down of the shitty "aaand I was in a public place!" punchline that infests Twitter and Vine (mostly as "Grandma’s funeral") but long predates internet comedy. Starts at 9:54. But here’s the important bit:

S: Comedians will never fail to surprise us with their inventive ways of doing the same pull back and reveal joke again and again. I will now demonstrate the And Then I Got Off The Bus joke.
You know the other day I got so drunk. I woke up bare ass naked, sick all over me, I had a traffic cone stuck up my bum. I was in a state of priapic excitement … and then I got off the bus aaaah.
R: What? You were on a bus all along?
S: That’s right.
R: I assumed you must have been at home on your own!
S: No. I was on a bus.
R: Wow! My expectations were confounded and from thence the humour arose!

And I’ve never heard someone point out this annoying comedian habit:

S: Another good tip is to go ‘aaah’ at the end of the phrase ‘and then I got off the bus’, as it gives the impression that you are moving on to a new piece of material, and flatters the audience by implying that they were clever to have spotted the joke so quickly.





Starr Mazer fake video-game trailer animated by Jeremie Perin (Truckers Delight, Fantasy).
Made for Motivational Growth american live-action feature film.

I would play the shit out of this.

This could’ve kicked a lot of starter

They already made it and they called it Space Quest and it was good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day, as they say in the KJV.



Something about the new homepage seems… different.

This is a big image. You’re going to want to click through.

Henry’s always making and sending me perfect jokes like this. Or putting them on Facebook and I force him to copy them to Tumblr so I can reblog. This one’s a genre I always love, the nutty list of gags where the “game” is just a format with a lot of room to explore. Reminds me of the fake Facebook ads Jed Stoneham made when I edited Urlesque. I had multiple LOLs.


Brace for fifty pictures of me smiling with barefoot American-T-shirted kids in East Timor



Beatkit™ was a brand without a product that promised to cease and desist in the year 2000, which it did. Beatkit’s mantra was “the general gloss of falsity is our only product”, which was a long-winded way of saying “Beatkit: it’s all lies.” So despite what I say it actually did have a product, the RemoverInstaller™, which was a baby rattle type of device except with no rattle and no moving parts. It had no function or utility of any kind, except to inspire an ad campaign around itself, Panic Now. Panic Now was similar to other real-world ad campaigns, except it dispensed with any pretense to romance or amuse you and instead just focused on the naked howling truth of all ads, i.e. “Stop whatever you”re doing and look at this. You don’t even know what it is but you need it. Don’t try to reason your way through it or out of it, just panic. Now.”

Shawn Wolfe (interview by Kristen Rask of Schmancy Toys, CrownDozen, 2007)

And now I want one and I won’t be satisfied by the 3d-printed replicas. I legitimately want this in a consumerist non-ironic way.


Too Much Nick

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