“The joke is: a deranged person is obsessed with the question ‘what if Seinfeld was still on TV’. That’s it. But I want to play that note on every instrument available. I’ll play it in every octave, I’ll play it flat, sharp, in every harmony and chord, I am going to play the shit out of this one fucking note.”
“The new game of Emulation - Designed for the Amusement of Youth of both Sexes and calculated to inspire their Minds with an Abhorrence of Vice and a Love of Virtue”
There’s a copy of this at the current excellent NYPL exhibit on the history of children’s literature. I didn’t realize there were already specific branded board games as early as 1804, though it makes sense that they were morality plays.
“I must say Parliament has been extremely reasonable in their effort to reach compromise, despite our having rejected every single offer, as well as set fire to seven navy ships. Frankly, we’re beginning to look bad.”
“How can it be that it is not a news item when an elderly homeless person dies of exposure, but it is news when the stock market loses two points?”
“I used to masturbate with a dry hand, and then I discovered the advantage gained by lubricating your palm with saliva, and now I can’t remember how I used to do it without chafing. Perhaps I began with delicate little strokes, and for ten years I’ve been incrementally increasing the pressure in the interest of a more stimulating masturbatory experience, and now I flail at myself with vigorous pumps that would have frightened and overwhelmed me a decade ago.”
This Logitech shitload-of-buttons mouse is on sale for $70 and you should buy it so you can use the internet like a being of the future. I have buttons mapped to tab switching, back-and-forth in history, opening a closed tab, opening a new tab — it is stupid not to have these buttons on your mouse.
And then you map them all to different functions in Photoshop and Final Cut and whatever dumb non-Civ-V game you play.