Also: what the hell book is Nick reading?
Hey look, it’s me arguing with my phone again!
And that book is the most embarrassing thing I could find in my apartment. It’s fantasy/sci-fi sex stories. I… I am aroused by it.
The secrets of the Windows Phone 8 keyboard
I’ve long been jealous of the Android’s swipe-typing capabilities (an optional interface where you swipe instead of tap-tap-tapping), and now I’m jealous of Word Flow (which guesses your next word and learns over time — essential for someone like me who’s constantly writing in some arcane inside-joke pidjin).
The iPhone interface still feels like a clunky 80s Mac in some major ways. Why are we still working with a set of identical icons we inherited from the Blackberry, instead of modules that show previews of each app’s important information (currently limited to the calendar icon and red notification badges)? Why is everything so Playskool-rounded? Why is it so satisfying to replace the native calendar, mail, browser, to-do, and notepad apps?
I just bought a new Mac and a new iPhone. If I bought a tablet, it’d be an iPad. I still feel like Apple has the most seamless device system with the best available software. But I want to be lured over to the side with the much cheaper desktops. And I want Apple to fight harder to keep me in their premium-priced world.
I don’t give a shit about syncing iTunes any more, thanks to Spotify. My documents are in the cloud, thanks to Dropbox and Google Apps. Now I just need an interface that actually beats OS X, and enough reason to abandon all my app store purchases. Maybe a cross-platform app store with transferable licenses — Steam for non-gaming apps.
“It’s absolutely clear now why five years from now, Apple will have 3 to 5 percent of the player market.”
Rob Glaser, RealNetworks founder/CEO, in 2003. The iPod was already two years old and twice updated, with 1.4 million sold.
Five years later, Apple had 71% of the player market.
We can all agree that the iPhone’s new Maps app is a little inaccurate. Fortunately Siri seems to have fixed everything.
For fun, think about how Nick managed to film this all by himself.
I am a lonely person strapping my cameraphone to a tree.
Tuck in your goddamn shirt.
There’s an adapter. But it won’t fit in that piece of metal you ordered from Kickstarter two months ago.
A short, funny list anyone who’s ever used a Mac can enjoy.
4. Holding Out for Chrome
This is pretty much like Halo’s Firefight mode. Instead of having fun with your friends gunning down Covenant, you try and see how long you can use Safari before you succumb to downloading Chrome. There’s a PC game like it called “Sweet God Please Don’t Make Me Use Internet Explorer.”
My favorite Mac game is “Did I crash everything, or just my browser?”
In today’s Nick & Siri, Nick helps Siri cool off.
Siri is such a rascal. I wish she had hair so Nick could tousle it.
I’m shooting videos again!
Head of Apple retail John Browett recently suggested that Apple should cut back on staff before its probably-going-to-happen September iPhone 5 launch, then Apple spokespeople had to backpedal because that’s a stupid thing to do.
Clearly this John Browett guy doesn’t understand what makes good things so good, so we made him an advice meme in which he ruins things.
Plenty more of these over at Browett Makes It Better: The Apple Retail Guy Advice Meme
tl;dr: This meme guy ruins good things.
What Your Favorite iPhone App Says About You
This list is massive. Fifty-eight app jokes in total. It’s like this could be a novelty Twitter account, but no, it’s an easy-to-read text post without the bullshit of making you wait for all the jokes to slowly trickle out.
Some of my favorites:
- Flashlight: You’ve been planning a camping trip for two years.
- The Weather Channel: When the street gets wet, so do you.
- Twitter: You are super-up-to-date on celebrity deaths, arguments, and endings to TV shows you intended to watch on Netflix Instant next year.
- LinkedIn: You own non-ironic motivational posters.
- Pandora: You are a Thai restaurant.
Introducing AppleClean, Apple’s revolutionary new washing machine. “It just washes.”
Check out all its features over at Apple Invades the Laundry Room With AppleClean on Slacktory.com.
I particularly like the Retina feature.
“Our purchasing decisions are telling Apple that we’re happy to buy computers and watch them die on schedule.”
The New MacBook Pro: Unfixable, Unhackable, Untenable | Gadget Lab | Wired.com
Kiiiiiiiiinda considering getting a PC, and feeling ridiculous about how much this reminds me of literally abandoning belief in God, Who Is Also Lord.
If you’re sick of that dumb Zooey Deschanel iPhone ad, then this is for you.
Our parodies are getting shorter.
“Siri tells John Malkovich a better joke” by Alex Moschina
This is my favorite Slacktory video in the last couple weeks. This is a great retelling of a classic joke.
Alex so beautifully makes something technically SFW sound horribly filthy.
