Nick and Siri get an iPhone 5: Nick upgrades Siri’s phone, but he can’t upgrade her personality.
I talked to my phone again.
The “new” phone was observed sporting an IP address associated with Apple’s Cupertino campus, fuelling speculation that the company’s engineers are not laughing atop a huge cash mountain while twiddling their thumbs, and instead they’re getting on with their work.
Also: what the hell book is Nick reading?
Hey look, it’s me arguing with my phone again!
And that book is the most embarrassing thing I could find in my apartment. It’s fantasy/sci-fi sex stories. I… I am aroused by it.
I’ve long been jealous of the Android’s swipe-typing capabilities (an optional interface where you swipe instead of tap-tap-tapping), and now I’m jealous of Word Flow (which guesses your next word and learns over time — essential for someone like me who’s constantly writing in some arcane inside-joke pidjin).
The iPhone interface still feels like a clunky 80s Mac in some major ways. Why are we still working with a set of identical icons we inherited from the Blackberry, instead of modules that show previews of each app’s important information (currently limited to the calendar icon and red notification badges)? Why is everything so Playskool-rounded? Why is it so satisfying to replace the native calendar, mail, browser, to-do, and notepad apps?
I just bought a new Mac and a new iPhone. If I bought a tablet, it’d be an iPad. I still feel like Apple has the most seamless device system with the best available software. But I want to be lured over to the side with the much cheaper desktops. And I want Apple to fight harder to keep me in their premium-priced world.
I don’t give a shit about syncing iTunes any more, thanks to Spotify. My documents are in the cloud, thanks to Dropbox and Google Apps. Now I just need an interface that actually beats OS X, and enough reason to abandon all my app store purchases. Maybe a cross-platform app store with transferable licenses — Steam for non-gaming apps.
We can all agree that the iPhone’s new Maps app is a little inaccurate. Fortunately Siri seems to have fixed everything.
For fun, think about how Nick managed to film this all by himself.
I am a lonely person strapping my cameraphone to a tree.
Does the iPhone 5 have to be disposable? There is very little you can do on it that you cannot do on the iPhone 3g, four generations older.
It’s very unfair of me to only show you this one flaw in the excellent micro-essay by Pierce Gleeson on the problem with fetishizing newness in iPhone updates. But I want to point out, as someone who often shoots narrative video with just an iPhone and a GorillaPod, that the iPhone’s camera capabilities have improved dramatically since the GS (the 3G can’t even record video without special apps), such that I can be relatively unembarrassed by production quality when one of my videos gets a quarter-million views. (In fact, with iPhone 5, I may finally be able to use the stupid little front-facing camera and see what the fuck I’m doing as I shoot.)
In addition, the processor is simply able to adequately handle applications that ran too sluggish on earlier phones. The hard drive is large enough to contain many customers’ entire music collections (though I admit this is less important to Spotify/Rdio users). In speed and storage space, a big enough quantitative difference becomes a qualitative difference, as certain tasks become not only possible but painless.
It also handles multitasking, which is essential if a phone is to replace a computer for more than ten minutes.
And of course you ignored the beauty of Siri, which hahaha no I’m kidding, what bet did Jobs lose with Eric Schmidt to release Siri as if she was any goddamn help? Voice control is occasionally useful and will become moreso, but I’ll admit the average user doesn’t get much out of the current capabilities — partly because to activate voice control, first you have to touch the stupid phone.
This list is massive. Fifty-eight app jokes in total. It’s like this could be a novelty Twitter account, but no, it’s an easy-to-read text post without the bullshit of making you wait for all the jokes to slowly trickle out.
Some of my favorites:
- Flashlight: You’ve been planning a camping trip for two years.
- The Weather Channel: When the street gets wet, so do you.
- Twitter: You are super-up-to-date on celebrity deaths, arguments, and endings to TV shows you intended to watch on Netflix Instant next year.
- LinkedIn: You own non-ironic motivational posters.
- Pandora: You are a Thai restaurant.
“Siri tells John Malkovich a better joke” by Alex Moschina
This is my favorite Slacktory video in the last couple weeks. This is a great retelling of a classic joke.
Alex so beautifully makes something technically SFW sound horribly filthy.
I got my TidyTilt in the mail today, and in 2 minutes I decided I don’t want it. The backing metal frame makes the phone a bit too thick for my Mophie, and the colored back piece slides around a bit when I use the phone.
But the big flaw is that the headphone-wrapping function — the reason I bought this thing — is too bulky for my pocket. I’m better off just wrapping the cord around my fingers and tucking it in.
So if you’re in New York and you still want a TidyTilt, you’re wrong but you can come pick up mine. (I guess it’s still good as a stand and a magnetifier.)
I would have thought the downside would be looking like a turd and everyone hating you.
Ouch, White Whine. This guy is a professional mobile app developer. It makes perfect sense to have a shitload of gadgets to test all your work on.