Too Much Nick

marththebland:

I wish I was a female tiger because then if I was talking to someone and I was getting off topic I could say “but I tigress,” and then kill and eat them because I am a tiger

(via severalowls)

phaeton-flier:

dishwasherfish:
I think we should bring back that thing everyone did in 2014 where you badly photoshop two characters from entirely different media together to look like they’re in love. This is my proposal for doc ock x glados please consider
It’s a horse girl movie but they both think the other is the horse

(via apas-95)

itsonofthem:

looks for climbing vertically down the walls of your house

(via severalowls)

mostly-funnytwittertweets:

(via teathattast)

shioripilled:

afloweroutofstone:
afloweroutofstone:
Just shoot me
You have got to be fucking kidding me

Ok I get it but the Blackberry movie is specifically fantastic and different

(via apas-95)

sandersstudies:

sandersstudies:
sandersstudies:
If you remove everything “problematic” toward women and minorities from sincere historical fiction I am biting you biting you biting you.
Sometimes “he would not fucking say that” is when the guy living in 1852 is a third wave feminist.
The Music Man revival making Shipoopi a song about respecting women is killing me
Okay this is significantly more funny.

(via txttletale)

lewvithur:

kybercrystalgems:
chadhulk:
I have mixed thoughts on sex work. I love sex, but I hate work!
“Yeah, we hate seeing you work too!”
how does this post keep getting better

(via severalowls)

blackbackedjackal:

blackbackedjackal:
We failed as a society when everyone stopped wearing headphones.
At my parents place with 2 children watching YT on tablets and 2 adults watching tiktoks and reels on their phones and trying not to summon a comically sized Loony Toons hammer out of my back pocket to smash them all.

(via severalowls)

severalowls:

I follow a youtuber who makes a lot of (mostly 20th century) shipwreck documentary stuff but I swear to god he’s done videos and shorts on the same “one weird thing” undisturbed-but-used drinking water glass on a bedside table in one of the cabins a dozen times and the youtube algorithm loves it so much that there’s a new slightly reworded video or short about it every week with a hundred thousand views and it IS how I found the channel so like, good for this guy he can keep drinking from this cup forever and it will never run dry because its upright on the bottom of the fucking ocean.

gomjabbar:

your friend brett in 2003: “hey guys! ready for a deathmatch round in blood gulch?”
you and your two other friends who found a glowing crystal in the back of your house that gave you a prophetic glimpse into the future where the three of you live successful lives but only if brett dies following a series of finely-connected events that begin with him winning a round of deathmatch on blood gulch: “yeah brett you’re on”

(via txttletale)